by Valerie Fausone

Dog people cannot understand why anyone would really wear a “My cat is my kid” sweatshirt. That’s just wrong. Kids are kids, and cats are cats. Cat folks may “feel” as if their cat is a child but, in truth, cats and kids have nothing in common. On the other hand, a good argument can be made that dogs and kids are essentially co-children.

Kids and dogs go together like sunshine and pooch parks, like slobbering and tennis balls. They are kindred spirits who often whine in unison to go outside. Kids and dogs love to jump on the bed, don’t listen to anything we say, and have various problems with toilet training. Both of them tend to throw up in the car, hate hair cuts, and most vegetables. The only difference between them is kids grow up; dogs don’t.

It’s not that cats are bad. Cats are great pets, independent, and are ten times more mature than other pets. Cats are sensible and don’t drool. Sure, once in a while a cat may sprint up a curtain, but normally they are very calm animals. That’s why cats can’t be compared to actual children. Cats sit home all day, tail wrapped majestically around their dainty feet, rolling their eyes at the morons walking by. That’s it. That’s what cats do.

Kitty owners aren’t at work having anxiety attacks about what is going on at home. That cat is still sitting at home (majestically), and nothing is broken. Kid and dog owners, though, start sweating bullets right around 4:45 p.m. Moms and Dads across America stress out about getting to daycare on time or letting Sparky out before time is up. Show up late and you will pay one way or another.

Dogs and kids are incredibly high maintenance. They’ll sit regally on some furniture alright. Then break it, rip it, or generate a mystery stain. These creatures smear windows into oblivion with wet noses or hand/paw prints. It’s worth it somehow to see the kids play with the dog, giggling, wiggling, and being so cute. It makes everyday a little more fun. They are birds of a feather, and they are good for us grownups.

Kids make messes, chew on things, and may get lost if you don’t keep your eye on them. Like dogs, they need hugs, good training, and a strong leash. Then they get older, and you have to teach them how to drive. Down the road the kid will go with the dog in the passenger seat. What a nightmare!

Children will leave the nest, better off for having known and loved the family dog. Hopefully, they will be animal loving adults who know how to be responsible pet owners. It’s the cycle of life. When the house is finally quiet and the windows stay clean, that’s when you know it’s time to kick back, relax, and get some cats.

Just, not the sweatshirt.